This blog is an exploration of my submissive and little side. It is NSFW and should not be viewed by minors. 18+ (or 21+ depending on local laws) only!
T.T. and I have agreed that I will ask him for permission on things, mostly about stuff that will somehow affect our communication. From making plans with friends, to leaving skype to get something to eat, to going to bed. I believe I’m doing fairly well on the asking portion.
However, sometimes I hear that one word that most people hate to hear: No. I haven’t yet learned how to take the no gracefully. Actually, it hurts me to hear no, even when I know it is in my best interest. I have asked my Daddy for continued patience as I grow and learn what it means to be submissive. But I know that hearing no will always cause some upset feelings. I wish that I didn’t have this issue with it because I know it causes issues in my relationship. I know that it isn’t fair to ask for permission for something unless I’m willing to accept the consequences of the question. I’m not really sure how to feel differently about it either.
Sometimes this journey is so difficult that I wonder if it’s even meant for me. I sometimes think that if I really wanted it as badly as I think I do, then it would come easier to me. I have to remind myself that I’m reprogramming myself from years worth of being told that once you’re an adult, you can mostly make your own decisions. Some decisions are easy to give up. Some of them are harder though. Hearing no is never my favorite but T.T. always explains his reasons to me and they make sense. I don’t think it always makes sense to my little though. Or maybe she just doesn’t care and wants her way…
Sigh….I woke to vague, sleepy medicine induced dreams of this today. So, yes it’s safe to say I enjoy it and miss it.
I end up staring at my notifications like